Taking a break

We all need a rest from certain things to reinvigorate our passion for it, to remind ourselves why we do what we do, be that a work project or a hobby. I, took this taking a break thing, fairly literally and decided that the best way to take a rest was to break my ribs, thus forcing me into a self imposed period of rest & reflection. The positive is that I had a lot of fun prior to and after the breakage with my friend’s husband and his friend. C’mon now! Not like that, tsk! We were taking part in the 10k Monster Race obstacle event in the wonderfully (painfully!) hilly grounds of Cornbury Park, Oxfordshire on 18^th April. It was mudtastically, swamptastically challenging and sadistically, highly enjoyable right up until I tried to haul myself out of the water and allowed my ribs to meet the edge of the plastic pontoon with some force. I knew I had ‘knackered’ my ribs (pretty sure I used another word though!) but as we were so close to the end, I kept on keeping on. I had race bling to claim. And a water slide to lob myself down to get it. Long story short; slid down slide, got through the ‘meat crusher’ tyre thing, climbed stupidly high wall, claimed medal, used a tonne of baby wipes, put on foil blanket, went into shock, visited hospital, got high on industrial strength codeine for 10 days & kept nodding off, pain subsided and here we are four and a bit weeks later.

Now, some may say this period of ‘rest & reflection’ was more akin to ‘grumpiness & general tetchiness’ – and they would be right! I have not coped well with not being able to do something when I have really, really wanted to. I mean, yes, it has made me think things through, assess what I really get out of running and exercise, what happens when I don’t do it, what goals I want to set myself when I am back being able to put one foot in front of the other at an acceptable speed that represents ‘running’. But maaaan, it has been a mental struggle during this enforced down time. I have always known that I have run for two main reasons – to keep me fit and keep the weight I worked so hard to lose off and most importantly, to keep me sane. Frustration levels have reached an all time high during this rest period, especially when I had to miss out on a 20 mile training walk (I’m climbing Kilimanjaro in September with my two best friends) I mean, not even being able to walk?! Gggrrr! I have also been incredibly envious of my Twitter feed with all of the fab training, racing & general miles of enjoyment that the people I follow have been able to do. In actual fact, there has been pretty much radio silence from me over the past month on Twitter (Oi, you, no cheering please!) bar the odd sporadic tweet. It doesn’t mean I don’t care about my followers or those I follow, I just feel that I wasn’t in the right place to contribute. It’s funny because Twitter is *the* most supportive & encouraging place to be when you need it the most, i.e. at times like this! With this in mind, you can see how it’s become a struggle for me. I know it sounds dramatic, and boy, I can be such a drama queen at times, and this is not a ‘woe is me’ post but it really has been an interesting/challenging time, for sure!

NB: Just to note, Maltesers are lovely an’ all, but they are not supportive or encouraging, other than they encourage your weeble-while-you-can’t-run-status to grow. This is taken from firsthand experience and is a warning to you all!

Things have started to improve this week and although not 100% in the rib & surrounding area, I took myself off to the gym for a wee trot on the dreadmill to test out how I coped with a run. I was nervous. One, of being back in the gym after 4 weeks out after spending the time I would normally be training (at the gym or running) stuffing my face with non-supportive Maltesers and two, if my ribs weren’t healed enough, of doing more damage and putting me out for longer. Nobody wants that, believe me! I chose the dreadmill rather than the road for cushioning purposes. Believe me, it’s not my first choice for running, as the name suggests! Long and short, it went OK; a gentle 5k plod and minimal pain during running. My ribs and surrounding chest & back muscles ached like billio the next day but not enough to put me off going back on Tuesday for another 20 minute trot and some leg work. The aches and pains on Wednesday prevented me from even considering giving it another go though. Slowly, slowly, catchy whatsitsface and all that!

I had drawn the line in the sand a good few weeks back (see previous blog entry) and although I had adopted the carefree non-pressured approach to running,  I feel that this (enforced) break has done me so much good. I had lost my way a little with running after doing so many events last year and I had left my sense of enjoyment and ‘runners high’ somewhere on one of my running routes. But now, although I am taking it very slowly for the next few weeks and must remind myself not to get carried away, I’m ready to start getting out of running & exercise the very things I forgot I loved so much about it all. The goals have been set and will be worked towards – getting back to being fit & healthy, successfully climbing Kilimanjaro in September and completing Country to Capital 45 mile Ultra in January 2016. And any breaks will be planned ones only!

Drawing a line in the sand

Sadly, this is not a literal post. I am not on a beach somewhere wildly exotic, a local lethal cocktail next to me and a punkawhallah with palm leaves in hand, cooling me down. I’m in good ol’ Blighty in my little home writing this but don’t let that detract from the topic!

My first post of 2015 had a lovely response. On publishing it, I was slightly concerned that it had unintentionally come across as a bit ‘woe is me’ but thankfully it was not read that way and the comments on the blog, via FB, text and email were nothing but supportive and encouraging. This is one of the reasons I love blogging and social media in general – like minded people, supporting and encouraging like minded people! Keep that shit up likeminded people, its ace – and so are you!!

The week after ‘the blog post’ I ran my first no-pressured run of the year and I had promised myself that I would run with my heart and not my head. No time pressures, try not to look at my damn Garmin every 5 mins, don’t try and keep up with others as they are all running their own race/event, and last but most importantly, ENJOY it! The event was the Chilly 10k, a multi-lap run at Castle Combe race circuit. Urgh. I am not a fan of multi-laps as it psychologically messes with my tiny brain but I was trying to adopt, embrace, and put to the test, this new mindset. I met up with my running buddy Lorain and her sister Ragin who were also running and we met just as the race briefing was hollered at us through the loudspeaker. Then it was a short walk from the paddock onto the race track and we were soon lined up and ready for the off. Repeating calm, soothing thoughts to myself and trying to listen to my music more than my laboured breathing was a real challenge. It’s a race, people compete. It’s what we hooomins do. There are people there to prove many different things to themselves or others, on their own journey, completing their own challenges and doing their own thing. And this was what I had to remind myself as I plodded around. Everyone is doing their own thing. And I should only concentrate on my own thing.....so I tried to keep myself in check and just run. The results were interesting. My splits were erratic, as the nature of me is to try and pick people off as the miles tick by and I started to do just this, and then checked myself to just run it, hence a wibbly-wobbly pace. That said, I did have my eyes set on a chap a few hundred metres in front of me who I used as a pacemaker; if I kept him in my sights, I would be happy. My mind was a tad numb from the lack of inspirational or stimulating scenery and it wandered, contributing to the erratic splits. I think there was even a jazz-hands-sing-out-loud moment to try and break the monotony (I’m painting a bit of a bleak picture, it wasn’t that bad, as race tracks go; not sure I’ve mentioned it but multi-lap races are just not my thing!) Back to the chap running a bit in front of me. I caught him up with about ¼ mile to go. And I was hot on his heels as we entered the slightly winding, funnelled finishing bit. I managed to tell him, in a slightly breathy-gasping manner that he was my pacemaker and he had to get me to finish. The race was on and he challenged me hard to the finish line, the bugger! Garmin stopped, high five to my unofficial pacemaker (there’s a bit of footage of this and it makes me smile when I watch it!) and a time check. Only 14 seconds slower than my 10k PB. I officially ran happy!

And since then, I’ve made a concerted effort to ‘switch off’ from pacing my runs. Work has been manic and it’s hard to fit in structured training at times. It’s therefore been pleasantly surprising to find that taking the pressures off of myself has resulted in some really enjoyable runs and most surprisingly, some pretty speedy times too. Just last week, I knocked out a 3 mile run with splits of 09:26, 08:17 and 07:03. An almost 7 minute mile!! HELL YEEEAAAH!! And this I love. I don’t care if I don’t ever repeat that time as I know I did it and can do it – even if my legs felt like they didn’t actually belong to me. (Doing it for more than one mile may be a challenge but hey ho, I’ve done it!) Yes, I have a few running events to train for in the coming weeks and months but I aim to enjoy them rather than ‘smash’ them and I’m looking forward it. No pressure other than to finish.

It is early days but I definitely feel that I am getting back to rediscovering my love of running and once again enjoying the benefits of running for me. So, I may not be sat on a beach with a spade in hand physically drawing my line in the sand, but believe me, the line is drawn!