Taking a break

We all need a rest from certain things to reinvigorate our passion for it, to remind ourselves why we do what we do, be that a work project or a hobby. I, took this taking a break thing, fairly literally and decided that the best way to take a rest was to break my ribs, thus forcing me into a self imposed period of rest & reflection. The positive is that I had a lot of fun prior to and after the breakage with my friend’s husband and his friend. C’mon now! Not like that, tsk! We were taking part in the 10k Monster Race obstacle event in the wonderfully (painfully!) hilly grounds of Cornbury Park, Oxfordshire on 18^th April. It was mudtastically, swamptastically challenging and sadistically, highly enjoyable right up until I tried to haul myself out of the water and allowed my ribs to meet the edge of the plastic pontoon with some force. I knew I had ‘knackered’ my ribs (pretty sure I used another word though!) but as we were so close to the end, I kept on keeping on. I had race bling to claim. And a water slide to lob myself down to get it. Long story short; slid down slide, got through the ‘meat crusher’ tyre thing, climbed stupidly high wall, claimed medal, used a tonne of baby wipes, put on foil blanket, went into shock, visited hospital, got high on industrial strength codeine for 10 days & kept nodding off, pain subsided and here we are four and a bit weeks later.

Now, some may say this period of ‘rest & reflection’ was more akin to ‘grumpiness & general tetchiness’ – and they would be right! I have not coped well with not being able to do something when I have really, really wanted to. I mean, yes, it has made me think things through, assess what I really get out of running and exercise, what happens when I don’t do it, what goals I want to set myself when I am back being able to put one foot in front of the other at an acceptable speed that represents ‘running’. But maaaan, it has been a mental struggle during this enforced down time. I have always known that I have run for two main reasons – to keep me fit and keep the weight I worked so hard to lose off and most importantly, to keep me sane. Frustration levels have reached an all time high during this rest period, especially when I had to miss out on a 20 mile training walk (I’m climbing Kilimanjaro in September with my two best friends) I mean, not even being able to walk?! Gggrrr! I have also been incredibly envious of my Twitter feed with all of the fab training, racing & general miles of enjoyment that the people I follow have been able to do. In actual fact, there has been pretty much radio silence from me over the past month on Twitter (Oi, you, no cheering please!) bar the odd sporadic tweet. It doesn’t mean I don’t care about my followers or those I follow, I just feel that I wasn’t in the right place to contribute. It’s funny because Twitter is *the* most supportive & encouraging place to be when you need it the most, i.e. at times like this! With this in mind, you can see how it’s become a struggle for me. I know it sounds dramatic, and boy, I can be such a drama queen at times, and this is not a ‘woe is me’ post but it really has been an interesting/challenging time, for sure!

NB: Just to note, Maltesers are lovely an’ all, but they are not supportive or encouraging, other than they encourage your weeble-while-you-can’t-run-status to grow. This is taken from firsthand experience and is a warning to you all!

Things have started to improve this week and although not 100% in the rib & surrounding area, I took myself off to the gym for a wee trot on the dreadmill to test out how I coped with a run. I was nervous. One, of being back in the gym after 4 weeks out after spending the time I would normally be training (at the gym or running) stuffing my face with non-supportive Maltesers and two, if my ribs weren’t healed enough, of doing more damage and putting me out for longer. Nobody wants that, believe me! I chose the dreadmill rather than the road for cushioning purposes. Believe me, it’s not my first choice for running, as the name suggests! Long and short, it went OK; a gentle 5k plod and minimal pain during running. My ribs and surrounding chest & back muscles ached like billio the next day but not enough to put me off going back on Tuesday for another 20 minute trot and some leg work. The aches and pains on Wednesday prevented me from even considering giving it another go though. Slowly, slowly, catchy whatsitsface and all that!

I had drawn the line in the sand a good few weeks back (see previous blog entry) and although I had adopted the carefree non-pressured approach to running,  I feel that this (enforced) break has done me so much good. I had lost my way a little with running after doing so many events last year and I had left my sense of enjoyment and ‘runners high’ somewhere on one of my running routes. But now, although I am taking it very slowly for the next few weeks and must remind myself not to get carried away, I’m ready to start getting out of running & exercise the very things I forgot I loved so much about it all. The goals have been set and will be worked towards – getting back to being fit & healthy, successfully climbing Kilimanjaro in September and completing Country to Capital 45 mile Ultra in January 2016. And any breaks will be planned ones only!

Drawing a line in the sand

Sadly, this is not a literal post. I am not on a beach somewhere wildly exotic, a local lethal cocktail next to me and a punkawhallah with palm leaves in hand, cooling me down. I’m in good ol’ Blighty in my little home writing this but don’t let that detract from the topic!

My first post of 2015 had a lovely response. On publishing it, I was slightly concerned that it had unintentionally come across as a bit ‘woe is me’ but thankfully it was not read that way and the comments on the blog, via FB, text and email were nothing but supportive and encouraging. This is one of the reasons I love blogging and social media in general – like minded people, supporting and encouraging like minded people! Keep that shit up likeminded people, its ace – and so are you!!

The week after ‘the blog post’ I ran my first no-pressured run of the year and I had promised myself that I would run with my heart and not my head. No time pressures, try not to look at my damn Garmin every 5 mins, don’t try and keep up with others as they are all running their own race/event, and last but most importantly, ENJOY it! The event was the Chilly 10k, a multi-lap run at Castle Combe race circuit. Urgh. I am not a fan of multi-laps as it psychologically messes with my tiny brain but I was trying to adopt, embrace, and put to the test, this new mindset. I met up with my running buddy Lorain and her sister Ragin who were also running and we met just as the race briefing was hollered at us through the loudspeaker. Then it was a short walk from the paddock onto the race track and we were soon lined up and ready for the off. Repeating calm, soothing thoughts to myself and trying to listen to my music more than my laboured breathing was a real challenge. It’s a race, people compete. It’s what we hooomins do. There are people there to prove many different things to themselves or others, on their own journey, completing their own challenges and doing their own thing. And this was what I had to remind myself as I plodded around. Everyone is doing their own thing. And I should only concentrate on my own thing.....so I tried to keep myself in check and just run. The results were interesting. My splits were erratic, as the nature of me is to try and pick people off as the miles tick by and I started to do just this, and then checked myself to just run it, hence a wibbly-wobbly pace. That said, I did have my eyes set on a chap a few hundred metres in front of me who I used as a pacemaker; if I kept him in my sights, I would be happy. My mind was a tad numb from the lack of inspirational or stimulating scenery and it wandered, contributing to the erratic splits. I think there was even a jazz-hands-sing-out-loud moment to try and break the monotony (I’m painting a bit of a bleak picture, it wasn’t that bad, as race tracks go; not sure I’ve mentioned it but multi-lap races are just not my thing!) Back to the chap running a bit in front of me. I caught him up with about ¼ mile to go. And I was hot on his heels as we entered the slightly winding, funnelled finishing bit. I managed to tell him, in a slightly breathy-gasping manner that he was my pacemaker and he had to get me to finish. The race was on and he challenged me hard to the finish line, the bugger! Garmin stopped, high five to my unofficial pacemaker (there’s a bit of footage of this and it makes me smile when I watch it!) and a time check. Only 14 seconds slower than my 10k PB. I officially ran happy!

And since then, I’ve made a concerted effort to ‘switch off’ from pacing my runs. Work has been manic and it’s hard to fit in structured training at times. It’s therefore been pleasantly surprising to find that taking the pressures off of myself has resulted in some really enjoyable runs and most surprisingly, some pretty speedy times too. Just last week, I knocked out a 3 mile run with splits of 09:26, 08:17 and 07:03. An almost 7 minute mile!! HELL YEEEAAAH!! And this I love. I don’t care if I don’t ever repeat that time as I know I did it and can do it – even if my legs felt like they didn’t actually belong to me. (Doing it for more than one mile may be a challenge but hey ho, I’ve done it!) Yes, I have a few running events to train for in the coming weeks and months but I aim to enjoy them rather than ‘smash’ them and I’m looking forward it. No pressure other than to finish.

It is early days but I definitely feel that I am getting back to rediscovering my love of running and once again enjoying the benefits of running for me. So, I may not be sat on a beach with a spade in hand physically drawing my line in the sand, but believe me, the line is drawn!

Doing the splits

Today was my 3rd of 'many' events for Ovacome, the Ovarian Cancer charity. I say many as I have not set myself a limit on how many there will be. I am committed to trying to spread the key message regarding ovarian cancer - know the symptoms and get them checked out early. I'm not meaning to scare anyone but the symptoms are surprisingly 'normal' and very worthwhile checking out with your GP; for more information, visit the Ovacome website (click here). I am also raising money for them but more about that later....!

So, race number 3 was a local-ish 10k run in the form of the Swallowfield 10+3 in erm, Swallowfield, Berkshire. The 10k was part of a multitude of events taking place - 10K road race, Duathlon, Grass 5K & 3K fun run. It's all go in Swallowfield, dontcha know! I was strangely more nervous about this than any of the other races I have done so far; I couldn't quite put my finger on the reason as to why but nerves at least show I care and I'm not remotely complacent about my running; the way it should be really.

The Parish Hall was the hub of the day with the information centre & finish line being here. As it had just started to drizzle on my arrival, it was a welcome retreat to keep dry & warm before heading to the start. Lots of people were in attendance, all with different coloured race numbers depending on which event and they were a friendly bunch! It's always a tad daunting (for me!) attending a race on my own as many people tend to be in groups with their buddies or running clubs but not once did I feel excluded and got chatting to a lovely lady from Datchet Dashers in the queue for the ladies (Whom I would later have a great chat with about joining running clubs & their benefits whilst waiting for a well earned cuppa! Thanks Jacqui!). The baggage hold was managed by the local scouts group and it was a very painless process and before I knew it, I was heading to the start line which was a 5 min walk back towards the car park. After a quick briefing to the duathlon contenders, we were asked to take our positions at the start line which was sectioned depending on your finish time and I opted for the 'around 60 mins or over'. An announcement was made, reminding everyone that headphones were not permitted for safety reasons (although most roads were closed, not all were so it made perfect sense; good job I left mine at home then!), then the gun was fired and we were off. It it took about 1-1.30 min to get to the start line and I was into a pretty comfortable pace from the off, conscious of not going too fast too soon as I have tended to do in training and at previous races. 

Mile 1 was OK pace wise but mile 2 not so; too slow. I tucked in behind another run who had a good pace and I thought would keep me on track, but he slowed during the mile which threw me out a tad! I'm not sure how many times I have to remind myself but I should run my own race and trust in my training. So it was onwards and upwards. Literally. The first of a few inclines met me and I was comfortable with them having smashed some whoppers during the recent Cotswold Classic race; without sounding arrogant, these were bumps in the road compared to those monsters!! Before long, I had hit 3 miles and felt comfortable with my pace - only 3 and a bit to go. There were plenty of supporters out en route, albeit sporadically  but it's always nice to see people out supporting a local event, cheering on strangers, family and friends alike. My legs started to feel heavy about 4 miles but I reminded them why I was doing these events in the first place & that all that was left to do was a 'trot around the block' and cracked on. In fact, I did more than crack on; I kicked it up a notch somewhat! The next thing I knew, a welcome sign told me I had '500m to go', then as I entered to finishing funnel I heard Frimley Park Radio announce '442, Emma from Wantage' which made me throw my hands in the air in delight, saw me sprint to the finish line with a PB of 57:21 - fan-ruddy-tastic! I was elated, a tad wiped out, but elated! After collecting my medal, Sweatshop goody bag, and a well earned bacon butty & cuppa (tasted like nectar, I tell you!) I had time to review my splits. And I grinned from ear to ear - a negative split. Yes, you heard me - a negative split! 

Let me tell you, it made my PB all the sweeter. Despite a blip in mile 2, I am really, really pleased with my efforts today. It has given me some confidence in my training and, more importantly, my ability to run. Dare I say it, but I might just have found something that I am getting a teeny bit better at (Not quite good at, but getting there!) And I enjoy it. I really enjoy it. And I am proud for being able to do something I am 'getting better at doing and enjoying' if it helps raise the profile of a great charity and dreadful disease. (Sorry to bring it down a notch there, but reality bites!).

I shan't be doing to the splits to celebrate what I class as a 'great day at the office' - I have just had a whopping serving of the most delicious homemade Thai curry & a well-savoured large glass of lager (never let it be said I am nowt but classy!) so not the best idea - but I promise to continue to strive to keep doing my best. 

Cheers! 

PS: I mentioned about raising money for Ovacome - you can support me here via this justgiving.com link or text EMLA99 with your amount to 70070 i.e. EMLA99 £5 to 70070 - thank you!