I give up!

Let’s just gloss over the fact that I haven’t blogged in a HEEEEELLUVA long time, shall we?! I mean, you don’t want to know all the mundane details on why my creative juices have had an absence of leave and my wish and want to impart my inane thoughts, drivel and blatant garbled ramblings on you has waned. If you do, drop me a line and I’ll send you a very lengthy email J

The reason for the return is many-fold; partly to remain an outlet for said inane drivel & ramblings, but mainly to get back to doing what I enjoy and enjoying what I do.

As many of you will know, I undertook a personal challenge to raise awareness, and funds, for the Ovarian Cancer charity, Ovacome, following the passing of a friend from this awful disease. I partook in 14 running events in 12 months and proudly wore my Ovacome running vest at every one, and raised over £1200 for this great cause. I’m very pleased and proud that I completed my own challenge and will forever be grateful for the unwavering support of my family, friends and total strangers in helping me exceed all of my targets.

But as with most highs, there comes a low. There was indeed a downside to the most active 12 months of my life. Aside from boring the living daylights out of every person I came into contact with (“yes, I’m running my X^th  race of the year on Sunday”, “yes, I’m going training tonight”, “would you like to sponsor me?”, “Have you seen my medal from last week’s run?”), after completing the last event, my enthusiasm, love and enjoyment of running was pretty much left at the finish line alongside my foil blanket and luke warm burger-van cuppa.  There was the natural ‘I’ll give myself a week or so off’ plan and then I had hoped to get right back to it. And I did. Half heartedly. To be fair, not even half heartedly. I had pretty much given up on running and pretty much given up on myself. And that spread into other areas too. Not eating quite as well as I used to, letting old habits creep back in. But it was OK because, you know, I’d just completed 14....yeah, yeah, you know! How many weeks can you go on with that excuse though? (answer....quite a few, actually!) Some weeks were good and positive, others not so. Even with a half marathon looming in Feb of this year, working with a running coach to reach an achievable time goal and reviewing, revisiting, reigniting good food habits it still wasn’t enough to get me ‘back to me & back on track’. Working with a coach was really good  as it proved to me that I do have the ability to improve my speed, my form and my overall confidence with running. And all these things I did over the few months of training. Unfortunately, work and illness put the kibosh on realising my half marathon goal time but I know I have it in me to do it. It’s just a case of time. Time. Commitment. Accountability. Planning. Other buzz-like words that are all real, relevant and work. All these things I know, and you know, but they have been buried in the landfill with that darn foil blanket and polystyrene cup from my last event! Until now. [Stage note: This is probably when the phoenix should rise from the ashes, in a plume of stage smoke, lights (not strobe. It hurts my eyes), some inspiring music blaring, the crowd cheers & whoops etc]

I have had a firm but fair word with myself. I’ve accepted that I have some work to do on me and understand where I want to get to. And I’ve accepted that if I want to get there, I’m gonna have to put in the work, cos no other bugger is going to do it for me! Yes, there are a hundred million memes out there on Instagram, Twitter, FB and all the others, that say the same with sparkly writing over a wonderfully inspiring  image and yes, I am one of the readers & retweeters of some of them. But you can read these a million times over, and we all do, but sometimes it’s not enough, is it? Sometimes it is as simple as taking some time to stop and think about how to get from A to B. And that’s what I have done this week. I don’t have a huge, complicated plan. I’m a Virgo so there is a list but nothing more than that. I did ponder a spreadsheet. I love a spreadsheet. Sometimes you just need some cell format-conditioning in your life. Just me then?! Oh. OK. *cough* Right, where was I.....oh yeah, how I’m getting from A to B? Well, I’m simply giving up on giving up. See, told you it was simple.

How do you reinvigorate your passion for something when it wanes? Time out? A break away or plough on through? Leave me a comment below & let me know!